Author: Green Apple

Fair Expectations vs. Overly High Standards When Looking For a Mate

We have all heard the saying that “There is no such thing as a perfect man.” With that being said where can a Sistah find her median in this arena of dating? Where is that guy who keeps a junky room, drinks out the juice carton, still has a job, car, and an education? He may have his own apartment or be sharing with a roommate. Where is that guy who didn’t go to college but still values education and went to Trade school instead? I suppose my concern is knowing the set of expectations ladies should expect from a guy before she sets off the “standard-o-meter”. With that thought in question it is equally important to realize that many black men feel that black women have standards that are too high.
In an interview with Slim Thug posted on Vibe.com back in 2010, Slim Thug stated that, “Most single Black women feel like they don’t want to settle for less. Their standards are too high right now. They have to understand that successful Black men are kind of extinct. We’re important. It’s hard to find us so Black women have to bow down and let it be known that they gotta start working hard; they gotta start cooking and being down for they man more. They can’t just be running around with their head up in the air and passing all of us.I have a brother that dates a White woman and he always be f***ing with me about it saying, “Y’all gotta go through all that sh** [but] my White woman is fine. She don’t give me no problems, she do whatever I say and y’all gotta do all that arguing and fighting and worry about all this other sh**”

In my opinion I believe that a woman should never hold a man to a set of standards that she cannot and will not ever attempt to reach. For instance it may not be fair that a woman refuses to date a guy without kids when she has a soccer team at home, or perhaps a woman refusing to date a guy without a car when she has been catching the bus her entire life. Lastly, a woman that preaches she doesn’t date broke men or men without a job when she herself is a welfare queen whom has only held a summer job at McDonalds once in her life. Moreover, there is only so much that a woman can put up with when she is in the process of building herself. Because a potential partner who hasn’t been developing themselves educationally, economically, and emotionally can be a mental and physical strain. Given these points one must ask what are a fair set of expectations that a woman should look for in a man while also avoiding the title of a woman whose standards are too high?

What Do You “Crave” On Valentines Day?

For years I have driven past White Castles during the month of February seeing signs that stated  “Make your reservations immediately because Valentine’s Day is around the corner.” It never occurred to me what was going on or perhaps it did. However, I didn’t have the guts to wrap my mind around the idea that some darling and thoughtful man or woman would call white castles one sunny afternoon and say, “Hello I would like to make reservations for two for February 14th at 5 O’ Clock” please.”  When I think of white castles, I think of the late night burger joint that you can always depend on after you and a group of friends have gotten drunk off a bottle of Remy Martin V.S.O.P and need to cram something into your digestive system. With this thought in mind I had to do some research.

I decided to call White Castles and inquire about their Valentine’s Day reservations. Upon calling, a lady named Melissa answered the phone and revealed some shocking details about their event. Melissa explained that for the past six years, White Castle has offered a truly romantic experience. Me and my special someone can enjoy table service at our local White Castle, complete with decorations, table clothes and floral centerpieces. And this year they’re even offering free dessert! She went on to say that every couple would receive a photo available through the White Castle website and that dinner would begin at 5pm. I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing so I asked Melissa, “Do people actually participate in this?” She responded saying that  “We normally have a full house; in fact I’d hurry up and make my reservations if I were you because they fill up fast”. “No thanks” I said as I slowly hung up the phone.

With that being said, ladies and gentlemen I don’t care how much a person love those greasy and gassy burgers. I personally feel that it is unacceptable to take your mate to White Castles on Valentine’s Day. I would rather the person I’m with attempt to cook me a homemade meal to show they care. Perhaps I’m being bourgeois and need to get my nose out the clouds. Maybe I need to grasp the realization that staring into your mates eyes as you two share a couple of cheese burger sliders and chicken rings is someone’s idea of a romantic evening. Can you all please squeeze the juice out of this one for me? Would it ever be acceptable for your mate to take you to White Castles on Valentine’s Day?

Being Faithful to Someone Who Isn’t Faithful to You

Have you ever been that girl who was being faithful to a man that haven’t committed to you? If not, you at least had that one friend who was in a one sided committed relationship with a man that made it clear they were not together, or with a man who was already in a “committed relationship” with another woman. However, why and how is it that we as women sometimes end up in these twisted circumstances? Based on an example from my own experience, I remember walking past a guy I was dating while he was with his girlfriend and he did not even give me eye contact or recognize my presence. To make matters worst there were people around that knew of the relationship that me and this gentleman shared. I heard some of these people laugh and snickle at the shamed look on my face and I swore never again would I put myself in such a compromising situation. With that being said, there are still women who are being humiliated and left to wallow in shame as they attempt to bandage there self-inflicted emotional wounds. They are consistently ending up in these unfortunate situations.

Whatever the case maybe, my question is why do some women feel the need to be FAITHFUL to a man who is already with someone, or who has made it clear that he is not looking to be in a relationship? Especially, after you have already experienced the end result of side chick status or giving a man your undeniable all who refuses to even consider commitment. Simultaneously, I have noticed that a lot of men expect this role to be played by most women. Some men can’t handle that while you are dating them you may have other suitors that you are getting to know as well. Why do some women find it invigorating to be faithful to a man they are not in a relationship with?  Why are some men uncomfortable with women dating other men at the same time they are dating other women or perhaps in a relationship?