The title describes the huge controversial question that’s been questionable this year. A marriage, engagement, or any other partnership is forced to analyze their relationship because of cheating every day. It may be one isolated incident or it may be a reoccurring offense. Either way it’s bad business and it hurts. The question is after all the hurt, should the victim of cheating stay or go?
Majority of society will say stay. A good example is with Gabby and D. Wade. Everyone said that although he had a baby with another woman on her, she should stay with him. I have to disagree with the majority. As a woman you have to demand respect or it will not be given to you. Let’s explore the pros and cons to taking a cheater back.
Pros : You get to keep your man – You show your loyalty – You won’t be lonely – You won’t feel like a failure to all your friends ect. One false pro is that you taking him back will make things better.
Cons: You will not trust him – He knows what he can get away with it without any consequences – You become insecure – You enable his bad behavior – You settle for disrespect ect.
What he may be thinking if you take him back?? From vlogger @MONTANADELEON1’s perspective.
“Dang, I got caught cheating and all that I have to do is wait on her emotional a$# to get over it and then IM GOOD!!!! All that I have to do is wait patiently for her to forgive me! In the meantime I will be out with the boys having drinks! NO SWEAT OF MY BROW!”
Now let’s examine if you leave him and allow your-self to fully heal or forgive before dating again:
-You become self reliant
-Your happiness is not attached to your man
– You can be available for another man who WILL treat you with respect and honor what you deserve. If we ask the women who have stayed in relationships after betrayal such as cheating most would say they wish they had left sooner. This is because nothing good really comes out of taking a cheater back. It’s not merely the cheating that’s the issue but what it represents. It represents that you do not honor me and respect me enough to keep your body parts where they belong. It represents that you have a bundle of secrets and lies that are the real you. It honestly shows that you (cheater) should be single . Let’s be real every relationship is not forever like we try to make it. If you are given signs and symptoms of a dishonest, disloyal, cheating man, GET RID OF HIM ASAP. You don’t want it to be 15 years later and you’re the co-star of Love and Hip-Hop saying that you have been holding your cheating dude down for 15 years and he hasn’t changed.
Keep in mind that this is for women who respect themselves as they want to be respected. Sometimes a female can give off the vibe that she wants to be treated badly. Women need to not be afraid to be SINGLE and HAPPY!! So juicy crew, #TellMeWhatYallThink?
I was just talking to someone about this! My concern is about situations where couples are married. You’ve made a vow to stay together til death, so would the rules still apply? If he (or she) does decide to stick it out, what is the limit before it’s time to walk away?
Kristi I would say if the person is not making a real effort to change then walk away because you honestly cant take getting cheating on for a long time. you will have built up resentment and eventually wanna kill the person.
I believe in those vows but if someone dishonor a the vow I take that as a breached vow. Meaning if I cease the relationship then I really didn’t end it, my husband did when he broke the vow. I also think the vows are up for interpretation! For example “Till death do us part” could be interpreted to mean a spiritual death. Like my partner can either verbally,physically, or sexually disrespect me to the point that he has killed the relationship! So when I leave his a#$ it will be the DEATH of what he killed that parted us.
I agree with you Brittany that’s why I wont be saying till death do us part on my vows!
Don’t make any decisions based on what the man is doing or not doing. If you are happy with him stay if not feeling the relationship get outta there . A huge mistake is to leave him under peer pressure. Behind closed doors no one can be there for you but you . Gabby just didn’t get caught cheating . Issue is more of respect for yourself znd your partner .
to in charge: I agree with the fact that you cant make a decision when you are pissed right in the moment you need to take time to yourself and then decide on what you would like to do.
Yes you should leave if you are unhappy and 100% of the people who get cheated on are unhappy but maybe 20% of those ppl deny it or suppress it to pretend that it’s ALL GOOD! Because the GOT A MAN!! Lol! So with that being said if you respect yourself and your temple enough to honor it then no man can dishonor it with you being ok with it! The problem is women don’t love themselves enough to want better.
I think the decision should be based on the principles of the relationship & those particular factors, personalities, etc dictate if the relationship can continue
I agree because what if someone makes a mistake. however I don’t condone cheating and it is unacceptable but if after time the person grows and I feel like I want to be with him I will do it. lol but this is all a rare case! like on some derwin davis and Melanie from the game. I feel like Derwin did what he could to make it up and they ended up getting married at the end of the day. But men or people in generally need to be willing to fight for what they believe in. You cant feel like the victim should get over it quickly cause that stuff takes time to heal.
I agree! Every situation is not the same, yes some people are just cheaters and may never do their mate right, but some truly learn from their mistakes grow & move on. One persons breaking point may be totally different for someone else.
I think 1 out of 1million ppl who cheat and get no consequences will do it again! It’s human nature! They have nothing to Deter them from cheating. Also you will not trust them fully and what is a relationship without trust? A pile of secrets and lies!
If we are discussing breaking point then that’s a separate matter. A breaking point suggests that the woman has accepted that she is in an open relationship and that she will accept being disrespected JUST to keep her man. It seems that women have succumbed to being desperate and will put up with anything and everything just to say they are taken. We gotta do better ladies
As an engaged woman I would say LEAVE if he cheats because I don’t feel that I could ever trust a man after that. However, I can’t speak for a married woman with children because they have a lot invested to give it all up for one slip up. It all depends on who you are, what you can stand, and the circumstances under which the act was done.
I think it’s the same as women who are married because you have put in all those years but are you willing to put in 10 more years of cheating? When you can let him go and then end up with a man who will treat you with honor for the rest of your life.
I think its easiear said then done to just LEAVE!!! I feel there is more to the dwade and gabby story then we (as the public) know. I think she just doing what best for her at this point !!
But even if it is more to the story you have to ask yourself: Am I accepting a cheater? If the answer is yes than this post doesn’t apply to you because you are making a conscious decision to stay in a relationship in which you are not being honored or respected. If the answer is no like most women claim, then that means you should not stay with a man that you know has cheated on you because he will likely do it again. Unless you NEED a relationship to be happy. Learn to be happy being SINGLE and loving YOUR life!
I have to agree with demanding respect. A person will only treat you bad if you allow them to. Self esteem also plays a major part in how you handle situations like cheating or being treated bad. People treat you a certain way bad or good based on you self esteem in my opinion as well. So, that being said… Walk away as soon as you figure out that person is disloyal!
If the D and money is good keep him.
I think the most important question is why did he cheat. Most fidelity could be avoided if girls weren’t so thirsty to jump into a relationship before they really get to know their mate. Most dudes only cheat to satisfy the physical needs that are lacking in their relationship. I’m not saying it’s right but if ladies took the time to know their men as a friend as well as a mate than maybe they wouldn’t have to ask should I stay or should I go. Lol peach don’t kill me
I don’t totally agree with your comment tho cause when I got cheated on that man wasn’t loosing out on getting pleasured cause that was sexing at it’s best lol sometimes I think men cheat cause they are cheaters
Would if they took the time to know their mate…did everything right by being friends before getting into the relationship. Sex and everything is good. Why would certain men still feel the need to downgrade and cheat?
Like I said Peach, that was prolly a special case. A true cheater will cheat on the perfect woman, because that is simply how he is designed- Some niggas truly ain’t shit. If your old lady is your best friend; you are less likely to fuck off your best friend; this applies for most men. And LLC men cheat because they don’t understand or don’t care about the impact of their actions. Some people believe that if you truly love a person you would never cheat on them. I disagree, because that means that emotion is what drives people to cheat or remain faithful; when in fact love might keep you in a relationship, but it’s logic that keeps you from straying, especially when you believe you won’t get caught.
Love these days is just a simple phrase. If you really Love someone you will not cheat on them point blank. I understand that people make mistakes but cheating is not a mistake and nobody is sorry until they get caught. If you want to cheat be single.
I feel you and this is why I wrote this article! Cheating is a choice and the reason is you either disrespectful or you want to be single! And you right nobody is sorry until they get caught! They not sorry while the sticking, stroking, licking on another! If everybody had a zero tolerance policy I think relationships would be different.
I believe that it’s easier said than done. Ideally, you should leave if someone has stepped out of a relationship, marriage, whatever the case may be. But let’s be REAL….we don’t live in an ideal world. I am not condoning the act of cheating at all, but are we not human (IMPERFECT). Some situations may be deeper than that. I dont believe a woman or man doesn’t respect theirself at all if she/he takes a cheater back. They are making the choice that they see fit for their lives. I respect people that I have seen in these situations who are real with themselves. I respect those who are strong enough to leave and I respect those who are willing to work things out because they see light at the end of the tunnel. But in 2014 I would love us to refrain from the hypocricy. It’s some of us out here that are real quick to say we would leave our significant other if they were to go behind our back, yet the opposite actions are taking place.
LLC I do believe that its a case by case basis.
To me it all depends on the depth of the relationship. No one wants a cheater. But to me if you not at the point of really ready to make the real commitment then its not as harsh. It could possibly be the deciding factor on if u two really think yall want each other beyond just a relationship
This definitely hits home with me. I’ve always been the type that if my man cheated and we’re supposedly in love I would stay and try to work it out if i could still stomach him. But being newly single and looking back on my past relationship, I wish I had left sooner. When I found out I was already in too deep. I spent all these years trying to prove something that should have already been known. So I agree with this wholeheartedly. I mean if there’s no trust then there’s really no point. I found out the hard way. Staying after he/she cheats will really just hurt you more and more in the end.
I agree to some extent yes if you let him off to easy he will think its sweet, but if you let him know what the real deal is he will shape up or you can ship his ass out anytime you want nothing it permanent. Let him know that you can and will be able to live without his ass. all I can say is don’t full give yourself to anyone who does not deserve it.
that’s true
It just depends on the situation. Most times ppl cheat because something in the relationship is not satisfying them. So they go out and get a temporary fix rather than communicating it to their partner. That’s the first mistake, if you are willin to fix those things and communicate your unsatisfaction and he or she takes you back and agree to work on it. I don’t see why you shouldn’t stay. Just my opinion.
Completely agree with all thing stated! I am a firm believer in “When someone shows you who they are believe them!”. A cheater will always have that one you when you take them back. You may feel you have the upper hand cause you can throw it in their face how they did you. But they will forever know that your lack of self worth is the upper hand they have on you. And no matter the action they can just wait for you to “get over it” and come right back to the one that will break their back for them. NO CHEATING!