We have all heard the saying that “There is no such thing as a perfect man.” With that being said where can a Sistah find her median in this arena of dating? Where is that guy who keeps a junky room, drinks out the juice carton, still has a job, car, and an education? He may have his own apartment or be sharing with a roommate. Where is that guy who didn’t go to college but still values education and went to Trade school instead? I suppose my concern is knowing the set of expectations ladies should expect from a guy before she sets off the “standard-o-meter”. With that thought in question it is equally important to realize that many black men feel that black women have standards that are too high.
In an interview with Slim Thug posted on Vibe.com back in 2010, Slim Thug stated that, “Most single Black women feel like they don’t want to settle for less. Their standards are too high right now. They have to understand that successful Black men are kind of extinct. We’re important. It’s hard to find us so Black women have to bow down and let it be known that they gotta start working hard; they gotta start cooking and being down for they man more. They can’t just be running around with their head up in the air and passing all of us.I have a brother that dates a White woman and he always be f***ing with me about it saying, “Y’all gotta go through all that sh** [but] my White woman is fine. She don’t give me no problems, she do whatever I say and y’all gotta do all that arguing and fighting and worry about all this other sh**”
In my opinion I believe that a woman should never hold a man to a set of standards that she cannot and will not ever attempt to reach. For instance it may not be fair that a woman refuses to date a guy without kids when she has a soccer team at home, or perhaps a woman refusing to date a guy without a car when she has been catching the bus her entire life. Lastly, a woman that preaches she doesn’t date broke men or men without a job when she herself is a welfare queen whom has only held a summer job at McDonalds once in her life. Moreover, there is only so much that a woman can put up with when she is in the process of building herself. Because a potential partner who hasn’t been developing themselves educationally, economically, and emotionally can be a mental and physical strain. Given these points one must ask what are a fair set of expectations that a woman should look for in a man while also avoiding the title of a woman whose standards are too high?
I’ve been told that my standards/expectations are too high (I actually have a blog post listing what I’d like in a husband: http://www.rahkua.com/apps/blog/my-perfect-husband) But I’m just like, if I don’t find what I deem to be an acceptable mate, I would rather be alone. I rather enjoy my own company and don’t see the sense in lowering my standards or altering my expectations for someone less than what’s right for me…because in the end it’s all about what makes you happy…If I’m going to be with someone, then we have to be making each other happy…challenging one another…bettering one another…be an upgrade to the other not just a settle so you can say you “got a man”. My goal is longevity and happiness in marriage not contentment in something I settled for…
Maybe that’s just me tho….
Nice read. I think some man use the “standards too high” as an excuse to pardon their status in life. Instead of admitting they need improvement they rush to say the expectations are too high when they themselves have those same standardsfor their mate. Take slim thug for instance saying tht successful men are scarce so dont pass over the rest yet in still expects the woman to cool, clean, hold him down, be a lady, educated, and working. I think men and women should strive to be better and yes no one person may meet ALL your standards so as an individual u have to decide which ones you can make exceptions for but u shouldnt settle.
@Rahkua I totally agree with you I am the same way I’m not lowering my standards however I do believe in being equally yoked..the question is would you require a man to possess something that you don’t possess. same question to you @Eboni